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Maverick Wright
Maverick Wright

Berry Berry Kix Where To Buy


Berry Krispies, Bamm-Bamm Berry Pebbles...everybody has a berry version of an otherwise innocent cereal. Even Kix, the world's most flavorless cereal, has one. Berry Berry Kix. A cereal so nice they named it twice.




berry berry kix where to buy


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I'm lying. It's bad. Berry, berry bad. It says, "No artificial flavors" on the box but I don't know how this can be. I'm pretty sure 'toasted typewriter ribbon' and 'cinnamon dusted plastic shavings' do not naturally occur in the world. If you read the side of the box, General Mills purports that high fructose corn syrup grows non-artificially in rain forests alongside the typewriter ribbon trees.


The back of the box is a chaotic vision of the American mall as resort. The activities involve finding the characters who are repeated in the drawing, finding the photographers and matching their corresponding number to the picture they took, and some stupid decoder which reveals the pithy answer to the question, "What does a berry use for a bandage?" "A berry patch." Kill me.


Why do cereal box designers go nuts whenever 'berry' is in the title? Almost every store in the mall incorporates the theme. Berry Republic. McBerries. Berrydales (offering a berry big sale). Berry Best Diner. Trouser Land. Berry Extraordinary. Wait...Trouser Land?


Behind the movie ticket salesman (who is obviously skimming from the register based on his ludicrous smile), you can see a poster for "Kix: The Movie." Not many people remember this. It was directed by Michael Bay and featured 90 minutes of quick cuts, explosions and terrible acting...of Kix cereal. It's Bay's magnum opus, really--a penthouse view of his sum total contribution to the art of cinema. The Kix balls sit in a bowl. We don't know where the bowl is because no single shot lasts for more than 1.3 seconds, but we can surmise it is on a table. A table in Los Angeles. Or possibly Malibu. 041b061a72


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